do they want you to fail, because your success is their failure? While it is ultimately up to each person to produce and aim for success, whatever success means for them, I know for a fact this over-simplified, sloganeering doctrine isn’t true. I’ve mentioned before about the idea that people shape other people’s lives. But even leaving aside personal beliefs: other people definitely play a role in where someone ultimately ends up, whether good or bad. It’s other people who decide whether someone gets a record deal, or whether a painting gets bought, a book gets published, a loan gets approved, or anything else of significance. It’s other people who decide to make friends or make fun of a particular person, gang up with or against a person, and say good or bad things about a person behind their backs. And whether anyone agrees with me or not, what other people do may or may not have anything to do with the person they’re affecting. They do, however, make a choice.
So, here’s a “life-hack” – when someone tells you that your biggest fuck up was probably for the best, don’t believe them. Don’t believe a word of it. No matter what they say, it’s not true – unless they’re actually a part of your project or company or they have a personal reason to want you to win.
The fact is, most people are going to want you to fail. It may not be clear to them, or it may not be clear to you, but their basic instinct is to want your work to fall apart and have it all go wrong. It’s a very rare thing to find someone who genuinely wants you to succeed if they aren’t invested in that success.
“Beta males are hoping. White knights are hoping. Feminists are hoping. Believe it or not, some of your friends and family members are hoping. They want you to fail because your success is their failure. It reminds them of their laziness, their poor work ethic. I’m sorry to tell you that they all want you to fail. Their subtle jabs and withholding of encouragement are aimed to keep you in an inferior station. No one wants to see someone rise at faster speed than themselves. There is no point in telling other people your goals. They will talk you out of it or give you bad advice. There is no point trying to convince others of your world view. They will plant seeds of doubts that prevent you from action and seeing the truth. The minute you go just slightly higher than you have been, they will try to sabotage you. They are the worry-mongers, fear-mongers, scaremongers, shame-mongers, guilt-trippers, trolls, and haters. Ignore them. Feeding them brings you down to their level, which is exactly what they want. You’re completely on your own. You don’t need help from anyone. If you can’t reach your goals without the validation and support of other human beings, the bulk of whom I promise are against you, then you don’t deserve to succeed.” ― Roosh
People like pointing to the failures of others as a reason for them to never try anything and remain safely planted in their comfort zone. Everyone wants you to fuck up because: It takes the pressure off them and redeems their shitty life choices.
Most people won’t take risks or strike out on their own. Not everyone has to, not everyone should. But instead of being honest about the fact that they just don’t want to do it or they aren’t suited to that kind of work, a lot of people try to hide behind this idea that they’re making the right decision based on good, solid evidence.
Every single failure that they can quote is a point in their favor. It’s an argument for why they’re a lot smarter than the people who take their best shot when the odds are stacked against them. They can look back on their lives and feel comforted because hey, at least they didn’t fuck up like you did. They can avoid the pressure of trying something, and be confident in it.
The flip side of that is when you’re successful, after taking a risk and doing something that you believe in, it throws a sharp light on the people who never make the choice to do that. It’s a big case study in favor of leaping into the unknown, when what they really want is a well documented reason why they took the best path.
People are terrified of risk from others, because they’re terrified they’ll run out of reasons not to follow in their foot-steps. They’re also terrified that your win somehow equates to their loss…
…and If you didn’t fail, it could mean they did.
This is my core message.
That this is not the way success works. Sure, if you’re up against someone for an opportunity and they take it home, that’s going to be rough. But generally, you aren’t even in competition. When other people succeed you’re just experiencing envy over their success on a road that might have been.
Every win is a positive though. Every time someone you know makes it with their dream, their project or their start-up, it’s Fucking Awesome. It’s another element of success in your network. Is that going to help you? Probably not. But it’s an example of someone taking a risk and winning, and a reason why you should do the same.
The exceptions to all this are going to be incredible. They’ll be people who honestly believe in you and want you to have a win, the kind of people who will sacrifice their own shit just to help you get it together. I’ve met very few people like that, but I tend to show my appreciation as much as possible.
When everyone else wants you to fuck up, they’ll be there rooting for you. Oh, and you should probably be one of those people. Don’t be an asshole who wants everyone else to fail.
Now, I’d love to hear from you, perhaps your experiences, on this subject and good luck in whatever it is you’re trying to achieve.
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With that said, “We have great challenges and great opportunities, and with your help, we will meet them together!” – Jason